andy

punchlines for jokes, except without the rest of the joke

2009-02-19T19:39:00.001-08:00

...that's when I said, "It smells like a bag full of assholes in here."

...no thanks, I prefer peanuts.

...feeding a dead baby with three nipples.

...a turd honking for the right of way.

...'Perhaps Willie Nelson and John Cougar Mellencamp will stage a benifit concert outside my barn to raise funds to replace the missing machinery.

The reason I'm not a vegetarian

2009-02-17T20:16:00.000-08:00

Because I like meat.

nevada kayaking

2009-02-16T21:40:00.000-08:00

I went to the Elko municipal pool recently with Adam and my wife to play around in our kayak (on a side note I love the blogging practice of introducing people and aspects of my life that my readers don't necessarily know of, it's like a soap opera, introducing characters with absolutely no back story). The pool, despite assurances that someone would be there to let us in, was completely deserted.

Not to be turned away, we journeyed over to a nearby park to get a little practice in, ridiculousness ensued. There was a family that came to play at the park but after watching our craziness for a while decided there were safer parks for their children to play at.

I also trapped Adam in a port-a-potty while he was pooping. We wanted to mark the occasion but we forgot our camera so we had to wait a half hour for our friend Tamera to bring one. Yup, that happened.

Blogging once more

2009-02-16T11:30:00.001-08:00

Blogspot has seen fit to recognize my password, so I am once again in the land of the blogging.

Try not to let your celebrations bleed over into riots.

Christmas Gift Ideas

2008-12-09T09:51:00.000-08:00

Look no further for that perfect holiday gift for that special someone.

Thanksgiving

2008-12-03T17:42:00.000-08:00

“There is no sincerer love than the love of food.” –George Bernard Shaw

Thanksgiving is my absolute favoritest of holidays, it is untouched by the rampant commercialism that plagues other holidays. It involves one of my favorite activities, eating, and especially eating my mother's cooking.
I am thankful for a great many things: my health, my wife, ninjas, peanut butter, shoes, ponchos, Parcheesi, eyes, reading, fire, a good solid poop, paper towels...

sick

2008-11-26T04:13:00.000-08:00

Can't blog...too sick...

poop

2008-11-20T09:59:00.000-08:00

The other day I was bringing wood into my friend Perry's house from the back yard and I stepped in poo. I also managed to drag the poo almost all the way through the house, to my credit though, when I realized my predicament I did kick off my poo-covered shoe half way through the dining room.

some quotes from the butte trip

2008-11-16T20:51:00.000-08:00

"Carpenter ants don't fart."-Adam

"Hair cake"-everyone

" The tension was real, Adam"-Jacqueline
"Yeah you could cut the tension with a spoon"-Me
"Well then, that's pretty weak tension"-Adam
"No, it's thick creamy tension"-Me

"Did that hoist get the shaft?"-Adam

"Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity"-relayed by Adam

"Elephant fart goggles!"-road trip game

dead baby jokes are funny, dead babies however are not

2008-11-13T11:36:00.000-08:00

I was recently in Salt Lake City(SLC) and had the opportunity to visit an exhibit at the Leonardo (a museum type place) called 'Body Worlds'. The exhibit is a collection of cadavers preserved in various positions, like shooting a bow and arrow or balancing on three wooden balls while simultaneously holding the content of the thoracic cavity over their head, or eating grass in the case of three headed camel. Body donations are happily accepted, it's how I would want to spend eternity, stripped of my skin and riding a camel.
As part of the exhibit they have a fetus room...Actually, before I get into this, a little background about me and also about SLC: I am not the most tactful person in the world. SLC is kind of the headquarters for Mormonism, a religion known for it's wholesome values.
As part of the exhibit they have a fetus room chronicling a fetus' development from conception all the way to birth. Right at the front of the fetus room there is a row of jars with fetuses in various stages of development.
"Those aren't babies!" I yell,"They're just sea monkeys!"
Mormons do not think dead baby jokes are funny.

Hello and welcome

2008-11-10T17:39:00.001-08:00

I've been meaning to start a blog for some time now. I guess I've been waiting for some epic event, and it's finally happened.
Actually, I was just bored at work. Free time just happened to line up with remembering that I had wanted to start a blog someday.
I hope to chronicle my deepest thoughts and crap like that here.